I don’t care who you are or what you say, being cold sucks. I don’t care if “hitting the slopes is life, bro” or your daily commute consists of a mush through the wilderness with a pack of dogs leading the way. There is nothing worse than a runny nose, chapped lips, and the overall feeling of discomfort that is paired with subzero temperatures and icy wind chills.
I used to think hypothermia would be the way to go. “It’s like falling asleep,” they said. “It’s a peaceful death,” they said. Actually, while I’m at it, who “they” is, is beyond me, because I don’t recall the last undead person I met who was writing yelp reviews about the different causes of death. But anyway, I digress. After being bullied by kids younger than me with a hose and cold water, I have grown to completely resent the cold and often revert back to my days of infancy by weeping hysterically when confronted by that sonuvabitch Jack Frost.
Living in Western, PA, I am all too familiar with that damn groundhog and the antics those top-hatted old men in Punxsutawney have convinced the rest of the world to believe. As of this post, it is March 10 and I am still freezing my ass off in Western, Pennsylvania waiting for the day that the weather no longer makes me tired and I don’t have to start my car an hour before I leave.
But wait what’s this? Ironically enough, as I write this, the sun begins to peak itself through the bleakness we in Farrell, Pennsylvania have experienced for far too long. Suddenly, this mug of cold coffee sitting by my side has become half full and suddenly an anonymous man in a white tuxedo walks through our office door and releases doves while Steve and I began whistling, “It’s a Wonderful World” simultaneously!! OH HAPPY DAY!!
Yes, maybe the cold does suck, but it also allows us to appreciate the warmer days that much more. Although those warmer months are not quite here, they are comin’ in hot! (No pun intended) So until then, with a little optimism and wishful thinking, I will begin wearing my Lems Mariners to the office. Maybe I’ll keep the socks on for now, but a little wishful thinking never hurt anyone.
So help a brotha out and let’s pull those Mariner’s out of storage. Because strength in numbers, may make this bastard cold disappear. Wait what’s that? Don’t have a pair of Mariners yet? Well if a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s six thousand words as to why you should buy yourself a pair STAT.