Posted by Brad Maniscalco on 2/28/2014
I'm that guy who calls, writes, and nags you asking for favors and free publicity while simultaneously trying to be funny and clever on our blog (we have two followers so clearly it isn't working).
I mean Salute your Shorts (Zeke the Plumber was some scary shit), Are You Afraid of the Dark, and Boy Meets World was some good programming, but GoGurt was the bees knees. Literally just grab one of those bad boys on your way to the whiffle ball fields, slurp it down, and you’re hittin’ em out of the parking lot making all the school girls cry ;).
I memorized the Sweeney Todd soundtrack
I was the tallest kid in 8th grade (I topped out at 5'6")
I look like Kurt Warner's son
I was once the Pillsbury Doughboy for Halloween
I am highly indecisive (well.. maybe not)
Most likely to not like his senior superlative.
"Stay gold, ponyboy"
Clifford. Yeah, that's right, that big red mutt.
Boulder Air Yeezy's
Posted by Brad Maniscalco on 2/26/2014
If I had to describe my position in 4 words, I would say: Head Hat Wearer...What? That's only 3? Thank God, I didn't say accountant. Math never was my strongest subject.
Calvin & Hobbes, plastic lunch boxes, the economy, freeze tag, Uncle Jesse's mullet, Starter jackets (Go Stillers!), pogs, the dial-up internet tone, Rocko's Modern Life, the phrase "da bomb", Michael Jordan, the innocence of childhood, basketball grudge matches vs. Matt Perna, and of course the life changing music that once rocked my soul.
-As a child, I was quite accident prone. So much so that the E.R. nurses and doctors at the local hospital knew me on a first name basis without having to glance at my chart. I am assuming they questioned my parental care, but rest assure my accidents were due to an adventurous spirit and mischievous mindset. Except that one time when my mother tried to convince me that my appendicitis was just a mere stomach ache. Thanks, Mom!
-I do not know how to grow up, but I sure as hell wish I did.
-I am a vegan but have a strange obsession with obnoxious food challenges. Ironically, if I'm not timed on eating a 3 pound pulled-pork po-boy, 1 pound of fries, a side of slaw, and 32 ounce coke, then I am usually the last to finish my meal.
-I was once mistaken for Teddy Geiger and almost rushed to a stage crowded with anxious teenage girls. Who is Teddy Geiger?
-Marvin Gaye and I share the same birthday. He was older and better looking, but I am a much better singer. Find me some karaoke and I'll prove it.
Most likely to drink until I am someone else's problem
"Not all those who wander are lost."
- J.R.R. Tolkien
Andre the Giant. ... huh? Wait, you mean to tell me 7 and 1/2 foot tall, 520 pound men actually exist?! Well, in that case I will go with Dean Moriarty.
Barefoot Shoes. The thought of this obvious oxymoron gives me a migraine.
Posted by Brad Maniscalco on 2/24/2014
Posted by Brad Maniscalco on 2/12/2014
If you want something done right do it yourself. Or if you want something done cheap with little to no professional help, do it yourself.
Working for a small business, you generally tend to wear many more hats than your job title implies, unless your job title is “The Man of Many Hats” AKA Steve Perna AKA The Vegan Vixen.
For example, as Marketing/PR Coordinator, I have also dipped my hand into foot model, salesman, IT guy, janitor, and most recently Videographer/Editor.
People love videos, Love ‘em. They take much less thought to watch than reading this here blog post. And if you’ve made it this far, give yourself a pat on the back for choosing this intellectual blog over watching the latest sing-along wedding proposal gone viral.
Don’t get me wrong. No judgment over here. I mean who wouldn’t rather watch four episodes of Community than read The Autobiography of Mark Twain. And don’t lie to yourself either, Mr. I order Scotch at the bar when people are looking.
So to appease all those out there who would much rather wilt away watching moving picture after moving picture instead of reading word after word, I give you the very first Lems Shoes’ Commercial.
I would like to thank The Academy in advance.
Posted by Brad Maniscalco on 2/5/2014
Now although there may be some of you out there who simply read what I write due to your dedication to Lems or because you actually find me entertaining, most of the traffic is largely in part to my friends and family who I spam the shit out of until they eventually give in and read whatever I had to say.
The sweet thing about blogging is usually there is a disconnect between the blogger and his/her audience. I could tell Kanye West to kiss my ass without any hesitation because A.) He’ll never see it and B.) Off chance he does, there is no way I will be confronted about it.
So when your audience also happens to be people you see every day, this disconnect disappears and you are often told to your face how much you suck.
So last Friday when I selflessly took the time to take pictures and explain to the Lems following how to appropriately measure your foot, the last thing on my mind was the fact that I was not a foot model.
If I do say so myself, the post was great. One of my best. I threw in some humor referencing pop culture and celebrities while giving step by step instructions to surpass our confusing as hell sizing charts. After I hit the “Save and Publish” button, I smiled to myself while “It’s a Wonderful World” played in the background and a little bird landed on my shoulder.
I left work with a skip in my step and a whistle on my lips feeling good about myself, knowing I helped the hundreds of people out there who call in asking about our sizing….I pull into my driveway and immediately I am greeted by my roommates (ahem, my parents) who happened to read the post from earlier that afternoon.
Instead of “Hello, how was your day” from my mother, she approached me with “Brad, you could have used someone else’s feet. Goodness, you should probably shave those things.”
I shrug it off yet not 5 minutes later my sister walks out of her room and says, “Hey Frodo, how’s Gandalf?” This little smug reference pissed me off and after we exchanged insults back and forth for awhile, I went back to the blog to analyze the pictures I posted.
The conclusion I came to is this, yes I have small, hairy feet but as my sister pointed out, so did Frodo. And you know what that Mother F’er did? He traveled all the way to Mordor and tossed that Son of a Bitch ring into the fire saving Middle Earth from total damnation!
So next time all of you average foot guys are checking out the sales rack at your local shoe store and get depressed because all they have are size 8’s left, you remember us small foot guys, as we drive home laughing with bags full of the latest styles at discount prices!
Posted by Brad Maniscalco on 2/3/2014