1.) Contrary to popular belief, we don’t sell Lems from behind our desks made of rich mahogany while staring at a beautiful collection of leather bound books.
Actually, we work off of tables our mothers have generously donated (Hi mom!!), which have been used at multiple family cookouts and still smell of onions and grease
Meanwhile my half-dead computer has a penny wedged between the display and the keyboard so I can ensure what I'm writing is coherent and makes partial sense.
*Note: If ever anything you read from this blog is neither coherent nor sensible, just assume the penny loosened and I continued typing because the day was coming to an end.
2.) We share our office with a Steel Factory.
Nothin’ like dodging a few steel beams to make your way into work. See kids, maybe, just maybe, a company with less class than that of yours truly would lie about this fact to hype up the American, family-owned facet we pride ourselves on. But not Lems, no sir, next time your on the phone with one of us and a deafening sound of falling steel engulfs the phone line, just remember these words and pray that we are still on the other end and not under a pile of metal.
3.) Introducing the unofficial Lems' Mascot: Zooey.
We all get bent out about work from time to time, but being able to cuddle with this cutie instead of squeezing a stress ball is pretty much the bee’s knees. I mean look at that face, who wouldn’t want her around?? (5 to 1 odds you just said “Awwww” sitting at your computer desk alone)
4.) Heat can sometimes be a problem.
Yeah we hike, ski, and accept dares to roll around in the snow shirtless, but that doesn’t mean we all embrace the cold. I am one tough cookie (I mean who do you know that can pull off a Fu- Manchu fashionably?) but cold temperatures make me weep like the little girl my father used to call me. Surrounded by space heaters and equipped with the latest in Grandma’s knitwear, we get by.
5.) Customers who share names with celebrities get put on our Wall of Fame.
Don’t be offended. Let’s face it, if you coincidentally share the same name as American singer-songwriter Michael Bolton who won over our hearts with the hit single, “When a Man Loves a Woman”, you’re going to be enshrined forever in the Lems’ office.
6.) We like to pose as models for our photo shoots.
Yeah, working at a start-up shoe company can be the cat’s pajamas, but it wasn’t always my ideal career choice. I tend to think I have a pretty mug and whenever the opportunity arises for a product shot, I go ahead, throw my hand up in the air, and volunteer to “Zoolander” the crap outta the camera. (You’re welcome world)
7.) The Lems’ Mobile turns heads in small town, Pennsylvania.
Entrepreneurs, shoe models, blog writing extraordinaires (stop, stop, you’re making me blush); although we wear many hats around here, including the “Man of many hats” Steve Perna himself, we don’t mind some subtle extra attention. And by subtle I mean painting up our cars in bright colors, honking horns, and representing Lems Shoes on the mean streets of Hermitage, Pennsylvania.
8.) We have to walk through a closet to get to our office.
Yeah, that’s right, after we finish our coffee, cruise the Hermitage strip in our advertisement-laced vehicles, and dodge some steel workers; we have to blindly navigate through a filing closet to arrive in the Lems' office. (Impressed yet Ladies??)
9.) The Lems' logo is a prehistoric symbol that represents good luck.
You may have found yourself asking what the h-e-double hockey sticks is this picture on my Lems’ box? Is it a guy jumping rope? Is it a guy doing a full split in mid-air while jumping rope? Can Lems allow me to do a full split while jumping rope? No. No. and Absolutely not! The Lems' logo is an ancient symbol called the Indalo Man. Legend has it that the Indalo was a ghost that could carry a rainbow in his hands (take that Chuck Norris) While we don’t recommend the straddling rope jumps, go ahead and grab that rainbow by the horns!!
10.) (Insert random "Us against the world” quote)
Now I am not a betting man (except that one time in Tijuana when I was labeled the Gringo chicken and was left with four fingers on my right hand), but I BET there are many of you out there who think there are a lot of us in our Steel Factory Closet. Well, my friends, there are only 3 of us over here, accommodating your minimalist shoe needs. And while selling shoes is our #1 priority, keeping you highly entertained, when you should be working on those TPS reports your boss keeps asking you about come in a close second. So sit back, relax, and see what those guys working out of the closet have to say.